stardustshine: (Default)

Ah, hell.  Unlike Jenna-who's currently freaking out over all the stuff we have to do for school-and Cheska-who's got some "issues" she's dealing with right now, I've actually been very...calm.  And collected.   And content.  Blame it on "Rent."  But that's for another entry to come later today.  This one...oh, yeah, it's another one.  But this is the first...I guess you could say, happy poem that centers on me.  Comments?

 

Within a glossy page,

Turned to the stretching horizons

Still to arrive on my step.

 

The soft sheen of a film

Unpolished and glowing

With the collection of truths.

 

Penned carefully, though unsurely

Fingers softly caressing the past.

 

Tufts of hair

Pressed against clarity;

Revelations moistened by a single tear.

 

A quiet testament to a decade

And then some...

 

Eighteen, on the edge.

 

One: tender innocence

Bundled in cloth.

 

Four: ready to speak out

Knowing only love, unexperienced yet.

 

Ten: verge of stability

Unbalanced, loyal still to innocence.

 

Fourteen: Initiated into adolescence;

Broken-hearted for the first time.

Abrupt loss of childhood

Fortifying a wall of strength.

 

Sixteen: Flush of womanhood

Slowly rising;

Naivety now giving way to truths,

Inescapable growth.

 

Seventeen: Last echo of childhood

Passing though as a dream

Standing at the end of a path

Cleared by maturity,

Paved by acceptance

And guided by hope.

 

Eighteen.

 

To become the woman always meant to arise;

To see life through eyes now both

Pained and blessed with knowledge;

To have the strength to withstand

Crushing disappointment, inevitable loss

And never give in to bitterness;

To know the love made for a

Single soul;

And the bliss ensuing.

 

Eighteen, I say: Young still

And still much to see and know.

Wouldst that life be kind-

Though I do not harbor much hope-

I shall live as I was meant;

No more, no less.

 

I'm turning eighteen in November and I've been trying to write this poem since I turned sixteen.  It's been lurking in my mind, begging for words, so I'm glad I got it out.  After all, "No day but today", right?

stardustshine: (Default)

Yes, I'm upset.

 

How many bridges left to burn?

How many hearts left to break?

How many times will I see

My heart's desire in the mirror

And smash it anyway?

 

How many loves left to lose?

How much heartache left to gain?

How do I find a place

Where I can love the truth?

 

Each road snaking to a dead end;

Each minute, the Reaper's scythe

Each day, I lose reality

And a little part of me dies

Each loss branded on an empty soul

Every second ticking by

Happiness nimbly eludes me

And I can only play pretend.

 

This was supposed to be a song, but words ran out when I tried to write another verse.  It stems from some bitter emotions I was sunk in last night.  Personally, I'm at a loss as to why it still affects me this much almost three years after the fact.  I don't know how to rid myself of it and that pisses me off almost as much as actually experiencing the pain. ...Jenna, Cheska, if you guys want to know what's up with me, talk to me on Monday.  Maybe then, I'll actually have been able to put everything into perspective, though I don't harbor any hopes.

stardustshine: (Default)

*cries* Here we go again.

Chance is a fickle companion.

 

Within its reckless steps lies

Fate and truth, deftly intertwined

Under the shimmering surface.

 

It sees no prejudice,

Recognizes naught but its chosen ones

The ones, lucky yet unfortunate to be

Led along the path to

Heartache and elation.

 

Who am I, then, to question such workings?

Something too rash to plan,

Too perfect to deny.

 

Could I destroy it with disbelief?

Smash it with disapproval?

Ruefully, I concede;

Yet defeat's never tasted sweeter.

 

It smells of sunlight and morning dew;

It glows as a burning corona;

It tastes of honey and musk,

Irresistible combination, tempting and teasing.

 

Yanking me into its hungry grasp.

 

The release ends and I find myself

Smiling up into the omniscience of your eyes,

Silently nodding as your hands

Find their way to my cheeks and draw me back.

 

And as the dream nears,

Knowledge shakes my heart:

This was not chance at work;

It concedes its own loss...

 

To the burning seduction of sunlight,

The blinding radiance of a star,

Golden-tinted sweetness...

And the brush of tender lips

Marking an undeniable path.

 

Never chance, I argue, but something

Far more profound:

A silver gift of truth and faith,

Bound to us both.

Isn't that enough?

stardustshine: (Default)

All right, before you guys start teasing me mercilessly about this, hear me out: I have no idea whatsoever about what came over me that caused me to write this.  I was just sitting perfectly serenely on my bed Friday morning before heading out for class when the first line just came to me and I wrote.  That said...here is my newest offering.

If this choice were real,

Would it be any different?

 

Under a sliver of moonlight

I promised myself to you

Innocent, naive, ignorant of anything else

But your small smile.

 

Could I have turned away if I wanted to?

No.

Wistfully, joyfully, I bask in the warmth

Of true acceptance.

For how could I have denied it?

 

And now, we face each other again;

Promises long and forgotten, stretching out

A tentative hand to grasp

Two hearts alien to one another,

Except for that faint tug

That soft, blinding light recognizing

And as you pull me in for a kiss,

I hazily see:

 

My choice was non-existent.

It was never meant to be made,

For I had given you my heart

Long before you asked it.

stardustshine: (Default)
Untitled 100405 6:17 p.m.

If honesty could see me now,
What words would it whisper?

Traitorous heart,
Turning its back on the covenant
Once made in a fit of self-realization.

Shaken to the core
By the one thing it had sworn
Not to be:
Vulnerable.

Would you know?
Would you see?
In your torturous presence,
I find myself, wilting
In my resolve.

Shall I take a pen to paper
And capture my rebellious soul,
Giving life to denial.
Whipping the flames
To a white-hot burning.
Smashing the mirrors testifying to my fear
And finding nothing but that same realization.

Is this nirvana what I have tried
So hard to
Escape?

Unburdened by the admission
Yet cowardly still.

The eyes that have charmed so many
Weave their inescapable magic
On me now, not ceasing to pull me in
Against my will, but offering an
Incredible release, comforting solace from the half-truths
Life deigns to offer.

A sedative lulling me,
False security.
Tears spill out, mourning the
Inevitable loss of sanity.
Traded in for something freer,
Wilder, territory a lonely heart
Has never traveled.

Would my sacrifice win you over?
A small price to pay
When placed next to your smile.
Winning my heart, fickle as it is.

I do not know this emotion.
Coursing through me, it may be.
Brokenness does not recognize the whole.
But the whole is a seducing courtesan,
Dancing out of reach.
Love and truth, stepping sprightly
Through the web of a
Heart entombed within its own
Undoing.

I ask nothing in return.
Knowing that I dance within
The realm of your soul,
That my facade and what lies
Beyond it is the wine that your
Heart drinks.
You have given me a gift, more
That I could ever ask for.

The thought of what could be
Justifies the emotion.
I can ask for nothing more.

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stardustshine: (Default)
A. Cecilia

December 2010

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